


Beyond Human Feelings

by sorryimpriscilla



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (future)Smut, Blood, Creatures, Fiction, Gore, Graphic, Monsters, Multi, Psychological, Scary, Sci-Fi, Violence, gay relationships, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:16:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2369003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryimpriscilla/pseuds/sorryimpriscilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, a normal teenager, celebrates his birthday on the first day at a new school, with his friends Mikasa and Armin. <br/>A brutal murder as his birthday present, though, opens a dark reality to the young boy, ruining his soul and will. At least until he meets another boy.</p>
<p>An interesting read you won't regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Human Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for tuning in  
> & enjoy~

“Dad” I mumbled, trying to wriggle out of his strong grip. I hadn’t eve surveyed the scenery when he wrapped himself around me like a cocoon.

“Welcome back” he told me, showing no sign of loosening his grip anytime soon.

“Thanks” I grumbled, staying as still as a lion while it studies it prey. I haven’t seen him in over 5 years.

~

My name is Eren. Eren Yaeger. I wasn’t fond of including my last name in introductions, but school systems broke that habit. I’m 14… wait no… 15 now I guess. Last year was going to be my first year at a high school, which conveniently, the first day was on my birthday.

Prior to this dramatically heart-warming reunion, mind the sarcasm, I lived with my mom in a town called Shiganshina, which was all the way back in California. I had such a simple life with her. Carla was her name. My dad and she divorced a couple of years ago when I was still fairly young, and my persistent mother gained custody of me. I still visited my dad, back then anyways. But the planning and travel was a hassle and very expensive, since my mother would always go with me there, back, then there to get me, and back again. The trips kind of just stopped happening, and I never questioned it. 

My mother cared for me deeply, obviously, always scolding me whenever I did things that risked my safety. It was annoying, I always felt like all she wanted to do was suppress my freedom, chaining my world-seeking wings and convincing me that it was for my own good. I knew she only meant the best for me, though. 

I had my friends, Armin and Mikasa, for me anyways. Sometimes, it’d seem like Armin would be a decoy for bullying, and Mikasa would knock out whoever was doing it. Together, we were a supreme trio, using that trick to rat out the bullies and appear like heroes to the other students. I liked fighting, trying to prove people wrong by breaking a bone of humiliating them. I always had more superior skills than everyone else. When I couldn’t, Mikasa would always step in, swearing that she was my body guard or something. She was sort of like my mom in a way.

But now, we weren’t junior high kids anymore. We were all entering Shiganshina Prep. It was a miracle that I even got in. Armin, a total brainiac, was obviously going to get in. Mikasa was stellar at anything that she did. But me, I was just a thrill-seeking reckless kid. 

The day we were all waiting for arrived promptly, a bell singling that summer was officially over.

“Eren! Happy birthday!” Armin’s familiar voice called out, getting louder and louder as I heard his footsteps come closer to me. He embraced me tightly. 

“Thanks” I told him, giving him a grand smile. He responded too, with a wide smile. From the corner of my eye, I saw Mikasa approaching me too, much quieter than Armin. “I see you got the high school attitude down” I told her, accepting her hug.   
“Happy Birthday” she told me, getting something out of her backpack. It was a tiny box. Jewelry? I didn’t hesitate to open it, I mean that’s what presents are for right? Inside the box was a necklace, with as beautiful charm of a wing on it. It was black. It seemed to be missing another half though. I took it out and put it on, adoring how the satin black color allowed a nice shiny glaze to be seen. I looked up to thank her, and I saw a similar wing on her necklace, except it was white. “Friendship necklace?” I asked her, adjusting the length.

“Yeah” she simply responded, holding her between her fingers.

“It’s really nice” I mumbled, hoping she didn’t get offended by my question. Maybe it was… more than a friendship necklace? I’ve never really thought of Mikasa like that… and on my birthday too. Before I could jump to any more conclusions, Armin tapped my shoulder. I snapped out of it and turned to face him. He also had a necklace, but it was more of an outline of a shape than a charm. 

“Here” he said, signaling for us to huddle. He got both pieced of the necklaces, and connected them with a slight ‘clink’ noise. He then scooted closer, and attached them to his outline charm. It was a 3-piece charm necklace. 

“Wow” I breathed. It looked so maleficent when they were all connected. It didn’t even feel awkward as we were all pressed together, gawking at it. 

And well, that set the mood for the day. Since we got to the school way to early, we got out schedules and explored the school. We got comfortable to the campus pretty quick. The teachers I got all seemed nice, I mean, considering how much the probably get paid for teaching at a Prep school. Mostly just syllabuses were assigned to be signed by parents, typical first day stuff. Two teachers, though, noticed that it was my birthday and they made my new classes sing to me. I sat with Mikasa and Armin, obviously, during break and lunch. The day actually passed pretty fast. 

“Want to go eat something?” Mikasa offered after we met when the last bell rung. “I can drive” she added, jingling a pair of keys in my face.

I pushed them aside, “Thanks, but I think I’m going to go home to see my mom. I kind of left before she even woke up” I explained. It was true anyways, I got up way sooner than her. Last I checked, she was still sound asleep when I went to tell her that I was leaving for school. 

“I can drive you home then” she offered again. There were a few down hills on my way over here, meaning I’d have to go uphill on my way back. “That’d be great” I told her. I could see that accepting her offer made her happy. 

-  
“Bye Armin, Mikasa. Thank you guys for the necklace, its hella rad” I said graciously, closing the door of Mikasa’s car. I still had to hop a gate to get inside of my suburban neighborhood. It was more hassle to get her car inside, and having to fill out a form for a “visiting” pass. They waved good-bye to me again, and they were off.   
There a tree near the back gate, which made it especially easy to hop over. I breathed in the cramped air of a hundred families doing the same thing over and over again once I was inside, and started to walk towards my house. For some reason, I felt that something wasn’t right once I stepped up into the driveway. I searched for my mom’s car, and found it, so she must be home.

“Mom?” I called out once I stepped inside, awaiting a scolding for leaving without telling her anything. But she was asleep, how was that my fault?

Silence responded, not even a footstep was heard. Maybe she was too mad to respond, or she was probably still asleep. I stepped into the living room, making my way to her bedroom.  
…She wasn’t there. 

“Mom?” I called out again, feeling a bit anxious. This time, I heard a movement from what seemed to be from the kitchen. “Knew it” I mumbled, now heading to the kitchen. I wasn’t in the slightest bit aware of what was awaiting me.

What happened during those next 5 minutes were more like a terror scene straight out of a modern Stephen king movie, than reality. I still question myself whether what my vison saw was real or not, and how I even managed to survive. Recalling all these memories were fairly easy. It was only after I was put in the ward that everything blanked out. Though, I wish these memories were blanked out as well. 

When I first walked into the kitchen, I expected my shining emerald eyes to see my mom preparing a snack for me, maybe some early dinner. Instead, these eyes saw something so unrealistically brutal, yet there it was, right in front of me. My mom’s face was what I noticed first. It was calm, peaceful. Had it not been for the rest of her body, I would’ve though that she decided to take a little nap on the kitchen floor. Although I would much rather have that scene plastered in my mind forever, she wasn’t sleeping, and her body was much more distorted than her peaceful face.

Red, red all over. Sounds like that riddle that every kid would try to trick their teacher with, only to be disappointed when the teacher answered correctly. Life was brutally disappointing in general, really. But no, this wasn’t an over-used riddle, nor a messed up kindergarten nursery rhyme, but a messed up reality.

I couldn’t see much of the skin on her body under all the blood. I could still make out most of her limbs, but the red made everything blend together. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that she was dead. Gone. A light breeze flew in through the window, making a few strands of her hair glide across her now-forever sleeping face. I was distracted for a moment though, not because of my torn-up dead mother, but because of the shape that I saw crouched over her. It looked human, it had the characteristics. Limbs, body, face. It was quite busy devouring a piece of my mom’s neck, biting recklessly at the skin. It hadn’t even acknowledged my existence because of its meal. 

They say adrenaline takes a few seconds to kick in, and it did. That all-familiar feeling soon came, but was delayed by the chock that had overtaken my mind. What was this thing? Hell if I know. I don’t even know now. Psychologists and therapists never understood my description, cooing me into taking some all-hitting drugs so I wouldn’t further bother them about it. Whatever it was, though, I wanted to kill it. 

My frantic brain searched for a knife. Though my vision was blurred from the unnoticed tears that were spilling out of my eyes, I saw one on the cutting board to my right, and hastily grabbed it. The adrenaline finally kicked in. As a brief memory of my mom smiling warmly came to my mind, and I lunged for the beast.

I stabbed it. I seemed to have hit a good spot too. It wailed back in agony, flinging me off into a bottom cabinet. Despite my effort, though, it simply recovered and went back to devouring my mom. It made me quite angry, it didn’t even care that I was there, as if it was in some sort of frenzy. 

I couldn’t help but groan when I tried to shift my body back in to a sitting position so I could stand and attack again. It peeled any eye off of its meal, and looked at me. It had grey, piercing eyes. Those of a sophisticated lawyer’s or a doctor’s. It did indeed have hair on its head, a few messy bangs on each side of its face. I couldn’t search much for facial features, it was wearing a mask of blood and ripped tissue. I swore, it looked human. Cannibalism? No way could a human recover from my attack though. It didn’t matter. I lazily pulled out another knife out of a drawer, and attempted to lunge again.

This time, it lunged back at me, piercing itself with my knife. It pinned me back against the cabinet, not paying any attention to its wound. My mind was terrified, but my body yelled at me to do something. I ferociously moved the knife back and forth, attempting to do as much damage as I could. It didn’t care though, despite my efforts.

It looked straight into my eyes, studying my mess of a face. Its eyes flickered up and down a few times, as if it were questioning who I was. At this point, I was surprised that I hadn’t blacked out and fallen victim to my adrenaline, but there I was, starring at the creature that had killed my mom. At an instant, I let go of the knife, falling victim to shock and panic instead. My mom was dead, and I couldn’t do anything about it. The creature who did it, had me pinned in a hopeless position. All my life, I’ve been dedicated to fighting. Not just physical fights, but fighting for my life, and all the things it promised back to me. My motives, my actions, my goals, strengths, nothing mattered anymore. I closed my eyes, not daring to spare another look at the beast in front of me. 

“You horrifying piece of shit,” I muttered, “I hope I’m gross enough to cause you killing stomach aches and diarrhea for the next month.” I laughed. I was about to die, why not make my last moments somewhat fun. I leaned my head back, grinning widely, awaiting for pain to engulf me in a blanket of black.

“Don’t flatter yourself” it said, and the pressure I felt from it was gone. It… talked. 

Opening my eyes to see what the hell was going on, the creature wasn’t here anymore. ‘A dream’ my mind yelled frantically, and I really wish it was. My vision was failing, and I felt a sharp pain near my stomach. It had stabbed me before it left. My mom was still on the floor, dead, her remaining devoured body soaked in blood.   
In the end, I got no answers. I couldn’t even save myself, and now, I really was disappearing into a deep, dark slumber.

“Bastard!” I tried to yell, but my voice failed me. “Sorry” I couldn’t help but mumble over to my mom, and the familiar blanket of darkness surrounded me.


	2. Unforgiving Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren moves into his big house after re-uniting with his father. He soon re-enters school again, only to meet someone that changes his perspectives on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyahhh sorry for such a long update, school (nuff' said). Notes explaining a few things at the end<3 Enjoy~~~

My dad led me up to a room on the 2nd level of his house. It had a pretty spectacular view, forests of trees and grass everywhere. I could probably sneak out of the window too, not that id need to anyways. Where would I go? 

I hardly remember this place from the few times I've visited, though I'd usually stayed in a room on the bottom floor. I guess I was old enough to have a top-story room now. 

"You have your own bathroom too" he explained, opening a small door to the left of the room. 

"Cool" I said, placing the rest of my bags on the bed. 

"Are you hungry? I've been wanting to take you to a nice restaurant a few minutes from here" he said, crossing his arms while standing in the doorway. 

"Uh, well yeah. I guess." I don't know why I didn't jump at the idea, I haven't eaten anything since I got on the plane to get here. I blame my lack of emotions for that. They haven't been quite intact since the accident. 

"Alright. Just come downstairs when you're ready" he told me, beginning to to walk down the stairs. He was so bad with human interactions. I take my blame off of the accident, it was probably him that made me like this. Still, I don't mind the privacy that he was generously giving to me. 

I sighed as I began to unload my clothes from the bags, placing then neatly in the drawers provided in my room. I was always sloppy back then, throwing clothes and items here and there. But, since I was "starting fresh", why not pick up new habits? I finished rather quick, I didn't have much to bring in the first place. Quite a lot of stuff got confiscated for either evidence, or for the psych ward that I was forced into. 

I dragged my feet down the stairs, meeting with the sight of my dad sitting neatly on a couch reading some newspaper. 

My dad, Grisha was his name, was a scientist in a nearby laboratory. Last I heard, he was quite popular for creating a vaccine for a virus that broke out a few years ago. Well, that explains the big house. 

Silently, we both walked to his car and got in. I looked at the big house again, and wow it really did look big. As he turned on the car, I saw a figure move faster than a fly at the corner of my eye. I disregarded it though, like I do to most things. 

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse" Grisha said, turning at an intersection. 

"I don't know if I could follow that" I replied, observing the scenery outside. Everything was so green... It's like the city we were living in a was a little speck of dust amongst a field of grass.   
It was very cloudy too, Grisha told me to get used to it. At least it would match my mood.   
-  
"Hi Grisha" a friendly waitress greeted, shaking his hand. "Hey Kelly" he greeted back. "Oh, is that Eren?" She asked, glancing over him to look at me. Don't even bother looking, I've spent all my time trying to be transparent in this stupid world.

"Nice to see you again Eren! You were so small when I last saw you!" She squealed, giving me an un-called for hug. Whats with all the hugs lately. 

"Hi" I sheepishly said to her. I could do much better, but I did feel rather depleted from not having eaten in such a long time. 

"You look like you could use some food" she said smiling at me. Hell yes I can, but I kept this comment to myself.

I ended up ordering 2 slider burgers and some French fries. Call me cheap, but the food practically melted into a tasty heaven in my mouth, my tongue absorbing all the slices and flavoring. I think I moaned too, because my dad gave me a questioning glance. I didn't really mind though, I haven't had real food in forever, let alone these perfectly prepared burgers. The mouth orgasms were intense, but it was all worth it. When my Grisha decided to start a conversation, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to respond. 

"You'll be attending Trost High" he said between bites of his own food. If he really wanted to talk to me, he could've just waited until we were both done eating. "Although you're 15, you'll be put into the first year, since you didn't complete it. It won't be that weird, no one really cares about ages," he continued on, "and it' different here. Over where you were, they start school around in march. Here, they start in September, so schools already started, but you probably won't attract much attention."

I didn't realize why he was telling me this, until I remembered that I had absolutely no track of what day or month it was. 

"Dad, what day is it?" 

"March 30. Happy birthday"   
-  
We finished our food promptly after that big reveal, it hadn't even felt like a year passed by. Grisha left a generous tip on the table, of course. Maybe this is why Kelly so was eager and nice to him. With our stomachs full, we headed back home. He continued to break down everything, how the city was, where it was safe, where it wasn't, and transportation. I couldn't drive, I don't think I was allowed by neither my dad nor the state, but he had an old bike and offered to fix it so I could ride it. He had work fairly early in the morning, so unless I wanted to be at the school 2 hours before it started, I was going to use that bike. 

When he was done running down the basics, he just sat down to watch TV. I took this as my cue to go back to my room. I lay down on my new bed, still quite full. Some spices of the burgers still lingered in my mouth, and I didn't mind the slightest bit. Now though, since my mind had nothing else to occupy itself with, it started to reopen the wounds that it had caused itself.

Most of my memories had perished long ago, but they still come back to haunt me occasionally. For instance, now I was remembering Armin, Mikasa, and my mom. No one had told Mikasa or Armin what happened to me or where I was going. I was told to forget about them, to move on, and I did. But still, the brain does whatever it pleases, and right now, all it wanted to do was crawl back to the horrible state it was in before. 

I was told that I awoke 5 months after the incident. The wound knocked me out into a deep coma. I guess it was my dad who decided to keep me on life support. I still didn't see him, though. The doctors came out blunt, telling me about the murder of my mom and how I was a suspect. The un-consideration from them stung my naive heart a little, but they weren't kidding. As soon as I was admitted out, a police cruiser swung by and took me on a ride to the FBI station. A few detectives asked me some questions to see how much I knew and remembered. To my horror, I answered the questions without hesitations. The memories were still as fresh as a smoothie on a hot summer day. 

Long story short, they didn't believe my story about the creature or my innocence. Though the evidence wasn't enough to prove me guilty, I was still forced to enter a psych ward. That was when everything began to go blank. I guess it was was there that I lost my will to live too. I didn't have anything to keep me going, honestly. I was like another clone of an empty soul, only serving to steal air from people who actually deserved it. Nothing can become of me anymore, I got lost and became blind once the light that was my mom who guided me, had left me. The darkness that engulfed me had left my vision, but found a permanent place in my heart. No feelings, no thoughts, nothing could hurt me. 

The following 6 months were a real blur, waking up, eating, "talking", then sleeping. Soon a guard came to me one day, and took me to a phone, where my dad was telling me that I was going to be released back to him. It's funny because back then, I didn't even remember that I had a dad. 

And well, now, I lay in a wet pit of my own tears, as I cried on my new bed sheets. 

~

Monday. My first day at a new, new school. Nothing new. I got up and did my morning things. Shower, which mostly consisted of me staring at a wall, unconsciously scrubbing my body until I felt satisfied, dress, and eat. It was weird preparing my own food. An odd feeling of freedoms briefly bounced around in my head. The clock still had a relatively early time on it, but I decided to start heading to school anyways. 

There want much to describe about the campus. Well, maybe there was, but Im oblivious to everything. I have to admit, I forgot how boring living was. I would say that my days in the the ward were better, but it was much easier to survive there.

Lazily, I drag my feet over to the front office to pick up my new, new schedule. I winced a little when the memory of getting my old new schedule resurfaced. I don't have anyone here to protect me, to hell me find my class buildings, or to be with me during breaks. I actually feel like a loner.

The desk lady led me to a back room, where I was to get my books.

"Your father is a very nice man" she told me, breaking the silence that I was so accustomed to. "He saved my husband" she added when I didn't respond. 

"Yeah he does that" I muttered. Wonder if he tips her too.

She briefly explained how the buildings were sectioned and categorized, as well as poring out where my first class was. Promptly after she did, she wish me good luck and trotted back to the office. When I got into the class, most of the room was already full.

"Name" the teacher asked boringly.

"Eren" I responded back unamusingly. 

"Yeager" he mumbled. "Your seat is back there" he continued on, pointing to a seat in the back of the classroom. I forget that most seating charts and lists went by last name. I dragged myself to the assigned seat, and set my stuff down. 

"Lucky" I heard a kid mumble in frying of me. That's strange. I was convinced that my life was the total opposite of that. 

The kids talked amongst themselves, laughing, mumbling, making exaggerated expressions with their hands. I don't care, really. Being alone with my thoughts doesn't bother me, since there weren't any thoughts anyways. I kay my head down on the desk, observing all the scratch and marks that were on it. 

"Ackerman" a firm voice called, sounding like it came from the front of the classroom. Not having anything else to do, I peek up curiously. 

My sexuality, you see, was as confused as a fish would be on dry land. Armin was cute to me, but he was ruled out as my best friend. Mikasa... Was more like a mother figure if anything. No one really caught my attention, or particularly appealed to me. I knew it was "correct" to like girls, so I had always thought that I'd eventually find a girl that suits me.

Right now though, I'm sure theres no girl that would buy me with looks at this guy did. He looked young, yet his features were outlined as those of a man's. 

First thing I really noticed were his eyes, helping create his unamused expression. They eyes were a piercing gray color, matching the dark color of the clouds in the sky outside. His eyebrows were subtle, two dark straight lines of black hair extending to the sides of his head, stopping briefly before they hit his hair line. The hair was black like his eyebrows, and we're spread messily, but strangely neatly, on each side of his head. He had an undercut, which only outlined his young face even more. His nose was narrow and sharp, breathing air in and out at ease. Under his nose were his pale-tinted lips. They were stretched into a line, no cheek muscles being used, parting slightly at the middle as they rested above his chin. His jawline was extremely defined, almost as much at the collarbones peeking out of his shirt. The muscles on his neck were slightly flexed as he faced the teacher. 

In all, I probably gawked at him for a minute or two before he noticed. You know how you sometimes wake up randomly in the middle of the night, and have the weirdest sensation if someone just looking at you? That's probably what he felt. He scowled briefly before turning, his eyes catching mine. Flustered, I quickly look back down, feeling shame as I felt some blood rush to my cheeks. Before I did, though, I caught the action of his eyes widening at me. 

"Right over here, Ackerman" the teacher told him, tapping his finger on a desk near the front. I guess he was new too. 

"That's unfortunate. I prefer the back" the boy said sternly, making a face of disgust at the desk.

"I arrange the seating chart by last name to learn students' names faster. Though, I can also learn if your work is above regular achievement. Can you do that?"

The boy didn't respond, starting directly at the teacher. I'm sure it was a life-threatening stare too, because the teacher quickly pointed at the back of the class. I didn't even notice that the seat was next to me.

The kid walked along towards me,'or rather, the seat next to me. He set his stuff on the table. He didn't have a backpack, only a textbook and a binder. Not even sparing a look at me, which somehow made me feel angry, he opened his binder and pulled out a pen from his pants' pocket, preparing to write whatever the teacher was rambling about. 

Paying attention was hard with him next to me. He was pretty short, even sitting I seemed taller than him. His gave was in a constant scowl, not bothering to use his cheek muscles for anything. He just saw there boringly, taking notes. Well, there goes my excitement. Still, he was pretty hot to stare at, not that I know better.

Counting the seconds on the clock until the bell rings, he briefly looked at me from the corner of his eye. I barely noticed since the bell rung the next second, and he was gone. I've always thought crushes were boring and useless, but that little action made more blood flush into my cheeks. He didn't even say a word to me. 

Next class, same thing happened, back seat as always. Again I hung my head on the desk, waiting for the dreadful hour to pass by. At this moment, the ward didn't seem half-day. 

"Eren?" a husky voice called out in front of me. I won't lie, I thought it would be that Ackerman boy, so I looked up curiously. It wasn't. 

"Hey, I'm Reiner" he introduced himself. "I'm friends with Armin."

I couldn't hell but wince at the mention of Armin, the boy I would constantly spend time with before my life tragically ended, my spiritual life anyways. The boy I saw a few minutes before finding my mom dead on the floor, my bestfriend. My hand instantly flew to my neck to touch the charm that he and Mikasa had given to me, but it was confiscated by the ward. Still, I couldn't help the habit. 

"Armin" I sighed. I didn't like to think of anything from the past, but the name demanded for memories to resurface once again. I just sat there dumbly, allowing the past to burn my mind and my nerves while I sulked at my helplessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- = short time passing   
> ~ = long time passing
> 
> So Eren mostly refers to Grisha as Grisha, due to lack of relationship, but still calls him dad due to the respect (surprised that he even remembers how to respect) 
> 
> I'm sure you all know who he met in class ;) 
> 
> Also to clarify, I'm not sure where I'm going with Eren's little memory loss/forced memory loss situation. Does make room for interesting traits though. 
> 
> Is this how notes works? I already have the next chapter, so next update won't take nearly as long. Thank you for reading~~~


	3. No Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up... Or so it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

Well, I guess I fainted, because next thing you know, a lady dressed in white was flickering a light above my eyes.

"Mom?" I lazily ask. Stupid. I know it isn't my mom, she died a year ago along with my soul.

"He's awake" she told someone near her, taking the light away. 

"Good" a man responded, writing something on a piece of paper. "Eren, can you sit up?" He asked, unfocusing on his paper to glance at me. 

I didn't feel like talking, or maybe I just really couldn't talk. My feelings had come out of my head and wound up as a ball in my throat. I could still move though, unfortunately. I struggled a bit to regain control of my muscles, but I did as he asked. 

"Good" he repeated, scribbling someone else down on the paper. "Do you remember anything, Eren?" 

No. Well, I did, but that was before I allowed my memories to burn holes into everything, including my soul. He jotted something else on the paper, probably noting that I was a lost cause. It was only my first day. 

"Eren" he said in a deeper voice. It's honestly annoying that he's said my name so many times. "Do you know why you fainted?" 

I decided now to fully wake myself. I was dangling on the string of conscious, hoping that I would fall and sleep again. But, I felt that it wouldn't be happening anytime soon, so I widened my eyes. Everything was terribly bright, and annoying. I could see the man who was talking to me now. He was really pale, blonde upper-cut hairstyle, shimmering blue eyes. He was almost as handsome as the Ackerman guy. He repeated his question, and I did my best to gather up my voice to respond. "No" was all I could manage, swallowing horribly with the ball in my throat. 

"He's still choke up, Erwin" another voice said. So this guys name was Erwin. I looked around to see who had said it, and it was none other than the kid who fully convinced me that I was gay. He walked in, studying me sharply with his piercing eyes. 

"You know him, Levi?" Erwin asked, acknowledging the boy. Levi eh? 

"He's an idiot who kept drooling at me in my Lit. class" Levi responded, loitering on a wall next to my bed. So he had noticed me, and the generous attention that I was giving him. 

"Ah" Erwin said, turning back to face me again. "Well to recap, Eren," 

I copied Levi's majestic scowl. 

"You were staring your second class when you suddenly fainted at your seat. Your classmate, Reiner, quickly brought you in here. It's long past 3 o'clock, so schools been out for awhile. We got ahold of your dad as soon as everything happens, but he's not able to pick you up."

Ah, cool. So I was stuck here.

"Eren, do you feel well enough to go home? Levi can drive you." 

I'd rather stay stuck here. 

"Eren" 

"Stop saying my name so many damn times" I snapped. It only reminded me of my dreadful existence, which was a constant annoyance. 

"I'm sorry" Erwin responded, sounding a bit surprised. 

I heard Levi snort quietly. "Do you even know who he is, dumbass?" he asked mockingly. It had never dawned on me who Erwin was, I assumed he was the head nurse or something. 

"I'm your principle, Mr. Smith." 

Well...shit. "Sorry sir" I apologized pathetically. Now I really wanted to fall back into the pit of unconsciousness and never come out. "I can go home myself" I choked out. No way I could be in a car with Levi. He seemed like an asshole anyways. My bike was much more preferable. 

"Levi can drive you" he insisted again, glancing at Levi. Levi just looked away. 

"I'm fine" I told him, attempting to stand. I succeeded for a few seconds, and then down I went. Erwin caught me in his arms though. Well I'm sure this first impression was far more than fucked. 

"Levi, you're taking him home. Will you be okay alone?" Erwin asked me, straightening me out. I don't know why he even tried, I'm sure I was as straight as a circle.

"I'll manage" I mumbled once he let go. I tried to use my legs again, but the little shits didn't want to cooperate. I went down again, except Erwin didn't catch me this time. 

"Let's go princess" Levi said, actually swooping me off my feet and carrying me. 

"I don't need this" I mutter, trying to regain some control of my body to prevent further embarrassment. 

"I don't care" he simply responded, walking out the door, along with my shame. Luckily, the school was pretty empty since classes were long over. I tried to awkwardly relax in his arms, which seemed to be impossible. For a smaller figure though, he was pretty well-built. I felt the muscles on his chest contract and relax under the fabric of his shirt as we got closer to what seemed to be his car. It was really nice, a satin black mustang G3. It was a newer model too, it looked freshly bought from a dealership. He unlocked it with his car remote and opened the passenger door, setting me inside. He then scurried on to get in his own seat. 

"Do you know where I live?" I asked nervously. I was only in a car with a guy who has god-like features, after being carried by him. Suddenly, though for a split second, it didn't feel so bad to be alive. 

He pulled a paper out of his pocket. "School info" he said, throwing it aside and starting the car once the keys got into the ignition. 

It wasn't a long drive to my house. Most of the car ride was silent, of course. I managed to keep myself from gawking at him for extended periods of time, but I still casually glanced at him every now and then. His biceps were outlined perfectly by the billions of threads around them. I opened my mouth a few times to tell him where to turn, but he seemed to already know the way, so I gave up. I looked out the window, examining the great clouds above. Still not as beautiful as his eyes though.

It was at this moment that I felt something surge around in me, I felt warm. After such a long time of feeling an undeniably cold darkness. The warmth made me shiver a bit. I held my fingers to the AC exhaust, I thought Levi had turned the heater on. It wasn't. I was really feeling warm by myself. Maybe it was a virus? I was probably getting sick. At least I wouldn't have to come to school tomorrow, at best. 

"You okay?" He asked calmly, glancing at me because we happened to be at a red light. 

"Yeah" I replied. The warmness only sprung as he talked. It was...Levi who was making me feel like this. So it was a boy who I had barely met, hardly knew, and didn't talk to. I didn't have much time to sulk about it as he pulled into my new driveway. 

For once, my mind was telling me to do something other than find a way to erase my existence to block everything with a mind-wiping blanket. I wanted to stay with him. But, I knew I was getting ahead of mad. I started to climb out of the car, getting ready to give a 'thanks' but he beat me to talking. 

"Hey" he said sternly, tapping me before I got out of his car. "Are you sure you're good being alone? I don't want Erwin to chew my ass if something happens to you" he said with a straight face. 

No, actually, I'm not okay. Not okay with being alone right now, tomorrow, or any day. Not okay with being here, or being alive for that matter. I'm sad, and empty, and you're hot and cool. You made me feel warm, which hasn't been done in a long time, and I know that I'm craving that feeling again. I want to feel like that again, so please come in with me. 

Oh, if only I was honest with myself and my feelings. 

"Yeah I'm good" and I shut the door behind me. 

"Your face says otherwise" I heard him say, as he now closed his car door. He followed me to the door, examining the big house as I searched for my keys. It wasn't until then that I remembered, my keys were on my lanyard, which was on my bike that I had left at school. Great. 

"No key?" He asked, stepping back. 

"Unfortunately" I responded. Everything was unfortunate for me. I turned back to apologize but he was gone. I hadn't even noticed the absence of his breathing. His car was still here though. I wandered off into the street, searching around for him. Maybe he wasn't really here...or maybe I'm still dreaming...? 

That's probably it, everything was too nice to be true. The mind was such a captivating thing. That warm that I felt, that wasn't real, and it never will be. I never woke up, never went to school, Levi never talked to me. If this was a way for myself to subconsciously help me develop a sense of will, it was failing. True, that overwhelmingness that my dark heart felt after realizing tt kay everything I experienced wasn't true was terrible, but I'll choose to ignore it like I do to everything else.

The familiar numbness one again began to trail comfortably into my body. It was only a matter of time before my body would start to shut down, along with my conscious. 

I don't know if I hit the ground at once, or if I shamelessly climbed my way to the street's ground, but I was just laying down now. My vision is fading, my dark friend spreading hazily across my eyes. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, if I'm still in my sleep, I could die right now. I can finally end this. All it took was a brief heart ache, which is funny because I had forgotten that I had a heart, until Levi showed up. Thank you, Levi. 

I couldn't help but grin as my vision completely disappeared, and I felt my mind drift off into sea of unconsciousness that it would never return from. I awaited for my ears to fail to hear the faint hum thats constantly heard from the forests, as well as my own breath. Calm, black peace. This isn't so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably thought this was the end... Hahanope. 
> 
> I don't know what Eren's disorder would be called...it's pretty much random rambles. I'll go somewhere with it soon.
> 
> Also this is unbeta'd so any typos or mistakes, tell me!

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how far I want to get with this fic... Although I have some interesting ideas to incorporate in it o/ thank you for the kudos and comments!


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